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WWN 3-32: EMOND'S FIELD NAMING RIGHTS EXPIRE!




BREAKING NEWS!!


EMOND'S FIELD NAMING RIGHTS EXPIRE!

Will the Dragon's hometown be rebranded?


At the end of the month of Nesan, the naming contract that has held since 1200 AB is due to expire. Originally named for King Aemon's Field, a "ballpark" dating from the Age of Legends and home to the Manetheren Eagles, the Town's original origins had been long forgotten when history faded to legend. The Village Council was clueless as to the origins until one Moiraine Damodred, an Aes Sedai of the blue ajah and baseball junky arrived in town and lectured them on the history of their region and the amount of penants won by the Manetheren Eagles over time.


One member of the Village Council, one Cenn Buie, said "We have no need of bases nor balls here in The Two Rivers. All we care about is Sheep and Tabac. And a good thatched roof, of course."


The Council then voted to rename the town Two Rivers, because at least merchants would have an easier time finding the place come harvest time.


The Women's Circle was unavailable for comment, likely tending to more important matters.


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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Self-proclaimed Dragon Reborn, Logain Ablar!


Mr. Ablar explains his conquest of Ghealdan, the proclimation of himself as Dragon Reborn despite testing positive for Corruptionvirus, and his subsequent capture by the Red Ajah in a local pumpkin patch. Signs of a struggle were everywhere, with smashed pumpkins littering the area. Through all this, the man has kept his pride as well as his sense of humor. Ablar commented "Despite all my rage, I am still just a man in a cage."


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AES SEDAI REACHES WAYGATE JUST IN TIME! Forgets keys.

A frantic Moiraine Damodred led a group of whiny teenagers across Western Andor in a mad flight from persuing Shadowspawn this week. However, once she arrived at the local Waygate, Damodred began rummaging through her pockets and saddlebags, unable to find her trefoil-leaf keychain.


When pressed by a wining youth named Mat Cauthon if they were there yet, and if they could possibly grab a cheeseburger at the McDonalds two towns back, her warder Lan Mandragoran pulled his sword on the youth, threatening to "turn this caravan around, Light help him."


Reports indicate the group were forced to change their travel plans and head for Tar Valon when a mysterious wind arose near the gate.


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WISDOM FORCES WINESPRING INN TO OPEN NON-SMOKING SECTION!

Young Nynaeve Al'Meara, a healer from the backwater town of Emond's Field in Andor, has taken up the charge of making the town's inn a welcoming place for visiting families. "Parents don't want their kids breathing tabac smoke all the time. Did you know second hand smoke has been linked to Male Pattern Stupidity? I see it all the time in the Village Council."


Vistors have praised her new clean air initiatives, but she hasn't been very popular with the residents who make their living as cancer merchants. When asked about her declining approval ratings, Al'Meara tugged her braid and stormed off.


This has been the Weekly Wheel News, Randland's ONLY Reliable News Source! If you don't believe it... YOU'RE A DARKFRIEND!


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The Weekly Wheel News is a #wheeloftime inspired project by Rob Christianson, a designer and art director based in the Pacific Northwest. As a comedic weekly satire of the old supermarket tabloid Weekly World News and Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, "The Paper" (as it is affectionately known in inner circles) is Randland's ONLY Reliable News Source... and if you don't believe that, YOU'RE A DARKFRIEND! The WWN continues to entertain thanks to the generous donations of its Patreon supporters. If you would like to help bring news (and laughter) to the fans of the Wheel of Time, please consider joining us at Patreon.com/WWN. Support at any level is appreciated. Tai'shar Manetheren.


Follow the Weekly Wheel News on its various social channels at http://linktr.ee/weeklywheelnews

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