Andoran Daughter-Heir forsakes Lion Throne - Joins hippy Tinker commune!
Caemlyn's #1 Influencer and everyone's favorite wild child Elayne Trakand has once again got the press talking, as she has reportedly walked away from her Royal Duty and joined up with a roving band of Tuatha'an. What's Elayne thinking? Her latest instagram post claims she's looking for some good music and the Seeker of the band may know where to find it. Does anyone know where Coach'el'a is? And who was the farmboy she was spotted with in the garden before she left? Does he have anything to do with her rash decision? And does she realize she won't get regular bath time?
These stories and more ONLY in the Weekly Wheel News, Randland's ONLY Reliable News Source!
LOTR fans discover WOT TV Series DOESN'T SUCK!
Fans are finding a buried treasure once they finish watching episodes of Amazon Prime's latest lovechild, The Rings of Power. Prime has been recommending they watch Season 1 of The Wheel of Time, which in turn has caused a surge in our favorite show's popularity amongst the heathen populace who have not yet sworn fealty to the Lord Dragon. Even a Rings character has chimed in: "I guess we don't need to throw it in the nearest slag pit!", claims local dwarf Durin IV. He knows gold when he sees it!
MOGHEDIEN SPOTTED WORKING AS SNARKY BARISTA!
Former Forsaken and would-be Nae'blis Moghedien has been spotted working evenings in a local independent coffee shop in Northampton, Massachusetts. The Spider denied her true identity when questioned, however. "No, my name is Marigan! Are you going to order?" Although she continues to deny it, we all know who everyone's favorite Goth Girl is when she's not pulling espresso shots. She declined to comment further, except for telling us to "Sleep well" as we left the Coffee of Doom coffee shop.
HAVE YOU SEEN STEVE?
Missing actor Phil Snowden is still on the loose, and may very well be bleeding out on the cutting room floor at Jordan Studios. Eagle-eyed fans continue to search all 8 episodes of The Wheel of Time, with our editor, Rob Christianson, convinced that Steve the Magnificent was one of the Illianer Companions spotted battling a pregnant Aiel savage in Episode 7. If you spot Steve, please call 1-313-TALK WOT. An Innkeeper will be very interested in his whereabouts.
This has been the Weekly Wheel News, Randland's ONLY Reliable News Source! If you don't believe it, YOU'RE A DARKFRIEND!
The Weekly Wheel News is a #wheeloftime inspired project by Rob Christianson, a designer and art director based in the Pacific Northwest. As a comedic weekly satire of the old supermarket tabloid Weekly World News and Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, "The Paper" (as it is affectionately known in inner circles) is Randland's ONLY Reliable News Source... and if you don't believe that, YOU'RE A DARKFRIEND! The WWN continues to entertain thanks to the generous donations of its Patreon supporters. If you would like to help bring news (and laughter) to the fans of the Wheel of Time, please consider joining us at Patreon.com/WWN. Support at any level is appreciated. Tai'shar Manetheren.
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