BREAKING NEWS!

MYSTERIOUS CREATURE SPOTTED IN LAKE SOMAL! How long has she been there and what does “Somey” want?

An unusual underwater creature has been spotted in the vast waters of the massive Lake Somal, west of the Mountains of Mist. While attempts have been made to capture the creature for further study, it is unclear if the mysterious creature is a long-lost form of Shadowspawn, or perhaps a creature brought from far-away Seanchan centuries ago. The only thing we know for sure at the moment, is that "Somey", as the locals have named her, is a sucker for a good selfie!

New season of “Real Housewives of Thakan’dar” set to premiere in 2025! The runaway drama of the hidden home lives of the Trolloc hordes returns for a new series of 10 75-minute episodes this fall. As showrunner Nargette states, "We're going to show Amazon and Sony that viewers aren't afraid of concurrent fantasy content, nor more screentime for tertiary character development. Also, we know how to market. How else could we keep 12 tours of our husbands' metal bands our of our hair and on the road for 4 years? If the exec's don't give us what we want, we'll just eat them! There's room for the entire C-suite in our cookpots!" No comments from Amazon Studios nor Sony Pictures Television.

SNUBBED! King-to-Be hosts exclusive MLM Scrapbooking Party… but nobody shows up! Miffed milktoast fiancee of Queen Galdrian, Barthanes Damodred hosted a Creative Memories party at his manor in Cairhien last week, but not a single invited guest showed up. It seems a rich young Andoran Lord has taught the hoi polloi of the Topless Towers that the best way to get your neighbors talking is to disregard and burn Damodred's invitations. Barthanes was reportedly furious, and was heard fuming about "that light-blinded idiot" and "The Great Lord of the Dark having an invitation for THAT red-headed savage". None of Damodred's 'downlines' would go on record with their opinions of the failed entrepreneur, save one young lord who wished to remain anonymous: "That brat should have stuck to his ridiculous panini food truck."

LOGAIN HEALED and channeling again! Uncork that Ghealdanin Red you've been saving, and pop some popcorn. You can view the docu-drama, "I'm Still Channeling" now at YouTube, and on VH1's Behind the Music.

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The Weekly Wheel News is a #wheeloftime inspired project by Rob Christianson, a designer and art director based in the Pacific Northwest. As a comedic weekly satire of the old supermarket tabloid Weekly World News and Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, the WWN is Randland's ONLY Reliable News Source. The WWN continues to entertain thanks to the generous donations of its Patreon supporters. If you would like to help bring news (and laughter) to the fans of the Wheel of Time, please consider joining us at Patreon.com/WWN. Support at any level is appreciated. Tai'shar Manetheren.

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