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WELCOME BACK, loyal readers! The WWN has hit the presses once again, now that a lot of computer hardware issues have been dealt with. Giving has been down, so rather than focusing on upgrading to a new machine, we got creative and reformatted our old one to get some scratch disk space back. It's working! So far, anyways...

In this issue of the Weekly Wheel News:

TEMPERS FLY AT NYCC! BrandoSando challenges Rafe to Steel Cage Match! The prize? A winner-take-all right to be the sole Showrunner for the WOTonPrime series! (Would we LIE to you?)

WARDER DEPRESSED AFTER MCDONALD'S DISCONTINUES HAPPY MEALS! Stepin was sorely disappointed after he was unable to collect ALL 13 Forsaken statues before the Golden Arches shut on him, replacing the popular Chosen Happy Meals with My Little Pony. The depressed warder was not interested in new Bela, Mandarb nor Aldieb figures, and didn't even raise an eyebrow for the Bronie Collection! His friend Al'Lan Mandragoran is by his side, making sure Stepin doesn't do anything rash and out of character.


Stableboy Screwups save the Two Rivers with an epic Manetheren history report while the rest of the village youth were off fighting some big bad called "The Dark One". But the two slackers didn't miss a beat, and even found some time to cool off at the local Winespring Waterslide Park, introducing a lunatic named "King Aemon" to an ice-cream sundae that was taller than the Mountains of Mists themselves! (No way, Tad! YES WAY, HU!)


The Dark and Dirty Church Potluck of the Century was spoiled this Sunday, when 11 of the most influential Darkfriends of the realm got together for what promised to be a great time with fried chicken, potato salad, and even Mili Skane's Always Chosen, Never Forsaken Brownies. Unfortunately, communication was not on their side (and honestly, is it ever here in Randland?) Everyone showed up on time and ready to party, but nobody brought anything to eat.

"So you ALL brought the plasticwear and napkins and NOBODY brought any food?!? Worst. Potluck. Ever." - Ishamael


The Weekly Wheel News is a #wheeloftime inspired project by Rob Christianson, a designer and art director based in the Pacific Northwest. As a comedic weekly satire of the old supermarket tabloid Weekly World News and Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, "The Paper" (as it is affectionately known in inner circles) is Randland's ONLY Reliable News Source... and if you don't believe that, YOU'RE A DARKFRIEND! The WWN continues to entertain thanks to the generous donations of its Patreon supporters. If you would like to help bring news (and laughter) to the fans of the Wheel of Time, please consider joining us at Support at any level is appreciated. Tai'shar Manetheren. Follow the Weekly Wheel News on its various social channels at



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